Keeley Hawes
The manic parping of a car horn announces the late arrival of Keeley Hawes as she pulls up to the restaurant where we’ve arranged to meet. She flaps her arms, gesticulating for me to hop in and belts off to find a parking space.
Long, lean and giggly, this 22-year-old model-turned-actress has achieved plenty. You may not know her name but you’ll recognise her peachy face from TV dramas such as Dennis Potter’s Karaoke and last summer’s Beeb hit The Beggar Bride.
As the engine sputters and dies, Keeley lights a cigarette, turns to me and grins: “I’m not feeling my best today. My appendix is playing up.” The fact that she looks as dazzling as a full moon, is clearly beside the point.
How’s your grumbling appendix then?
It could explode any minute. Right here, all over my lemon pressé. At the moment I’m on a course of antibiotics but I’ll probably need an operation.
Haven’t you been taking it easy?
I went to my mum’s at the weekend to rest, but I did go out on Friday to see Beauty and the Beast at the theatre. I went with a male friend of mine and we loved it. We’re both a bit glittery…
What does that mean? Glittery?
You know, we listen to Barry Manilow and do the cancan around the house. We like kitsch stuff. Not everyone appreciates those things.
Are you a luvvie?
Oh no. My dad’s a Cockney cab driver. I speak well just because I had elocution lessons for 10 years.
What was drama school like?
It seemed a normal way of life at the time, even thought half my classmates were auditioning for Eastenders. A lot of successful people came out of that time, like Denise Van Outen, Sam Janus and a Spice Girl, for God’s sake.
Baby Spice, I believe. Are you still mates with her?
I see Emma occasionally but her life has changed beyond belief, so we could never have a normal evening out. We’d get so much hassle.
Ever had any experience of the casting couch?
I can’t imagine going to the BBC and having some old TV duffer coming on to me. That sleazy element happens more in modeling. If a girl starts dating a photographer, she’s bound to get more work through him. Sexual favours do earn you certain privileges but I’ve never tried that route myself.
Are you still with your boyfriend, Kelly?
Well…we’ve been having a break for a month now. I met him over four years ago at my model agency, where he was a booker. He’s a sweetie and I’m sure we’ll get back together but we need to sort a few things out.
What attracts you to a man?
Generosity — there’s nothing worse than a tight man. I don’t expect presents all the time but I do want someone who knows how to enjoy life. Good looks aren’t important, but laughter is crucial.
You must meet lots of eligible men?
Men never ever chat me up. I must give out some kind of “stay-away” vibe.
Is sex important to you?
In the right relationship. I can count on one hand how many men I’ve slept with and I’ve never had a one-night stand. I always want a bit more than just sex. If I had a dodgy one-off, I wouldn’t be able to look my dad in the eye. Not very saucy am I?
Do you think your TV appearances have been videoed by blokes for “handy entertainment’ at a later date?
(Laughs for hours and nearly chokes) Bleaurgh!!! Oooh, it has crossed my mind actually. Do you really think that happens? Oh well, good luck to them.
Your first major role was in Dennis Potter’s TV drama Karaoke. How did you feel about the nude scene with Richard E Grant?
It was pretty scary, even though Richard was so sweet and professional. It’s not easy being confronted with six foot four inches of near-bollock naked man. We were in a mirrored room and Richard had to stand facing me, wearing patterned socks and a cricket box gaffer-taped over his bits. His bottom was shining in the reflection and he was shaking like a leaf. Meanwhile, I was hopping around in four flesh-coloured G-strings. We couldn’t help laughing because we both felt so ridiculous.
Afterwards, when Richard started getting changed, the wardrobe woman nearly had a fit. He turned to her, agog, and said: “Do you really think modesty is necessary after what I’ve just been through with Keeley?”
How far would you go for art?
Probably all the way. Loads of people take their clothes off for the camera, look at Ewan McGregor. Audiences are interested in nudity. Why deny them?
TV costume drama seems to be your thing. Next up is BBC2’s Our Mutual Friend.
Yes, I appear with Anna Friel and Paul McGann. He is gorgeous. I found it so hard to look at him in the eye and he’s the sort who stares deeply for 10-minute periods.
Do you hang out with Anna?
No. She sent me a Christmas card saying, “Ring me, I’m around between the fifth and the sixth.” She’s obviously very busy.
What’s next?
I’ve got a few things going on. I met Tim Roth the other day so something might come out of that. He was pretty phwoar, I might add.
Are you loaded?
I do OK. I’ve come a long way since me and Kelly were totally broke and would go to the newsagents and nick bread. I’d stand at the counter and open up a paper for cover and he’d slip a loaf off the shelf. Nowadays, I can afford to treat myself to as much Hovis as I can eat.